Today has been a strange, strange day for me. I have spent a lot of time thinking about my world. Where I am. Where I'm going. It's cliche to say that 1 event can change your entire mindset... but life is a beautiful collection of cliches that we laugh about when we realize we're living them.
Last night I got rear-ended... where my car took the brunt of the damage. This is the first time I've ever been in an accident, so I didn't really know the protocol... but I got the guys phone number, name & plates... so hopefully with some help from Nationwide, my poor little Scessant will be looking beautiful again soon. I'm happy that Brandon, who was riding passenger, and I are fine. It's terrifying to see those headlights come zooming into your rear view mirror though, all you can do is brace yourself.
With that... while it was just a fender-bender..I'm happy to be alive... I never wrote about losing my dear friend Jason, but it's a constant reminder for me that every moment is so crucial, so precious. That wound is still very fresh... Putting yourself behind the wheel of a car is making yourself responsible for lives of total strangers, and people don't seem to understand that. Due to foolish actions, a beloved man was lost... and so many others have been as well.
In result of stress, I ended up sick today... staying home from work. I missed my kids and my team... I felt limp all day. I didn't do anything... except go to Denny's... and watch Scandal... and think. When you have those days where you're alone the entire day, there's not much else to do than think.
I thought a lot about heart-break today. I'm not depressed by any means, so if you're reading this, do not jump to that conclusion. I was thinking of heart-break in the sense that... once we have been hurt, we spend all sorts of time convincing ourselves that someone is going to come along and "heal our wounds" ... well, in my opinion, that's impossible. There is no one person that can come along and completely cleanse you of all the hurt something or someone may have caused you. In fact, why would we want that? When we think of the most beautiful, natural places in the world... they are not "healed", they have cracks and crevices, they have been weathered & grafffiti'd ... isn't a heart that has been etched through all the elements all the more beautiful? I posted on my facebook earlier this week, what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. It couldn't be more true. The second you allow your heart to open to something that may not be 100% in your comfort zone... it begins to look different. Sometimes, we are damaged by these changes, but in the end... you are left with a heart that has survived all of the whims, obstacles, lies, hurt.... and that is more than beautiful; that is extraordinary.
It seems as if I'm in a dark place tonight, I suppose I am. But to bring light to the darkness, you've got to expose it. So here is my exposure: Open your heart to everything that comes your way & have no expectations. I don't mean in the sense that "No expectations, no hurt" ... I mean No expectations, No fear that things will end up in hurt. Go into things thinking that everything will work out, that the end result... no matter how rocky the road, will be wonderful because you opened your heart to it.
With that... I will say goodnight.
Tomorrow is Friday & that is a reason to smile. :)
I will be in Ohio a month from today. I can't wait to hug my family and catch snowflakes on my tongue.
All my love.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
So Many Reasons
Welcome to November everyone... it's so hard to believe that a year ago, I was interning in Clintonville, attending classes at Ohio State, working at Meijer and living at home. Now I sit here in Miami, a totally different world, same me with different opportunities.
I have grown so much in the past year, and I want to take this post to express how grateful I am that I have made it so far back to my normal demeanor. November is a month often associated with the big turkey day, or Thanksgiving... and while it's great that we are so thankful this month, it's important to remember to be thankful every single day that we have the opportunity to wake into.
It's been a long road, but I have risen back up from the rut I dug myself into. I feel light, I feel free. I have embraced spirituality again and the beauty of just being. I am choosing love instead of fear... and trying to make myself vulnerable to gain more strength. I am so thankful that I can look back and say, "I made it through that... and I'll make it through whatever else comes my way."
Working with urban middle-school-ers has been an incredible experience... We often spend so much time worrying about "me me me" that we don't even think about the battles that most of these kids have to face. There are days when I think my days are too long, the pay is too stingy... but those kids are the reason I stick it out. To see their faces light up when you give them a hug, the confidence they ooze when they understand a new math concept, or the way they laugh when they're telling you a story... means the world. It means they get to lighten their burden. I am thankful that I get to be there with them, to help them through each day & begin to aid them in furthering their education.
I am thankful that I can pick up my phone and call my family and friends. This move has been challenging, but I love knowing that I have that resource. I can't imagine what it would have been like to leave a country on a boat, or travel long distances not knowing when the next meeting would be. How incredible is it that we can instantaneously send a text message and get that affirmation.
While my blog to this point has been primarily focused on fitness, I ultimately want it to speak of WELLNESS. To be well, we must remember to be thankful. Every single day is a gift and I am beyond grateful for that.
I have grown so much in the past year, and I want to take this post to express how grateful I am that I have made it so far back to my normal demeanor. November is a month often associated with the big turkey day, or Thanksgiving... and while it's great that we are so thankful this month, it's important to remember to be thankful every single day that we have the opportunity to wake into.
It's been a long road, but I have risen back up from the rut I dug myself into. I feel light, I feel free. I have embraced spirituality again and the beauty of just being. I am choosing love instead of fear... and trying to make myself vulnerable to gain more strength. I am so thankful that I can look back and say, "I made it through that... and I'll make it through whatever else comes my way."
Working with urban middle-school-ers has been an incredible experience... We often spend so much time worrying about "me me me" that we don't even think about the battles that most of these kids have to face. There are days when I think my days are too long, the pay is too stingy... but those kids are the reason I stick it out. To see their faces light up when you give them a hug, the confidence they ooze when they understand a new math concept, or the way they laugh when they're telling you a story... means the world. It means they get to lighten their burden. I am thankful that I get to be there with them, to help them through each day & begin to aid them in furthering their education.
I am thankful that I can pick up my phone and call my family and friends. This move has been challenging, but I love knowing that I have that resource. I can't imagine what it would have been like to leave a country on a boat, or travel long distances not knowing when the next meeting would be. How incredible is it that we can instantaneously send a text message and get that affirmation.
While my blog to this point has been primarily focused on fitness, I ultimately want it to speak of WELLNESS. To be well, we must remember to be thankful. Every single day is a gift and I am beyond grateful for that.
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