Today has been a strange, strange day for me. I have spent a lot of time thinking about my world. Where I am. Where I'm going. It's cliche to say that 1 event can change your entire mindset... but life is a beautiful collection of cliches that we laugh about when we realize we're living them.
Last night I got rear-ended... where my car took the brunt of the damage. This is the first time I've ever been in an accident, so I didn't really know the protocol... but I got the guys phone number, name & plates... so hopefully with some help from Nationwide, my poor little Scessant will be looking beautiful again soon. I'm happy that Brandon, who was riding passenger, and I are fine. It's terrifying to see those headlights come zooming into your rear view mirror though, all you can do is brace yourself.
With that... while it was just a fender-bender..I'm happy to be alive... I never wrote about losing my dear friend Jason, but it's a constant reminder for me that every moment is so crucial, so precious. That wound is still very fresh... Putting yourself behind the wheel of a car is making yourself responsible for lives of total strangers, and people don't seem to understand that. Due to foolish actions, a beloved man was lost... and so many others have been as well.
In result of stress, I ended up sick today... staying home from work. I missed my kids and my team... I felt limp all day. I didn't do anything... except go to Denny's... and watch Scandal... and think. When you have those days where you're alone the entire day, there's not much else to do than think.
I thought a lot about heart-break today. I'm not depressed by any means, so if you're reading this, do not jump to that conclusion. I was thinking of heart-break in the sense that... once we have been hurt, we spend all sorts of time convincing ourselves that someone is going to come along and "heal our wounds" ... well, in my opinion, that's impossible. There is no one person that can come along and completely cleanse you of all the hurt something or someone may have caused you. In fact, why would we want that? When we think of the most beautiful, natural places in the world... they are not "healed", they have cracks and crevices, they have been weathered & grafffiti'd ... isn't a heart that has been etched through all the elements all the more beautiful? I posted on my facebook earlier this week, what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. It couldn't be more true. The second you allow your heart to open to something that may not be 100% in your comfort zone... it begins to look different. Sometimes, we are damaged by these changes, but in the end... you are left with a heart that has survived all of the whims, obstacles, lies, hurt.... and that is more than beautiful; that is extraordinary.
It seems as if I'm in a dark place tonight, I suppose I am. But to bring light to the darkness, you've got to expose it. So here is my exposure: Open your heart to everything that comes your way & have no expectations. I don't mean in the sense that "No expectations, no hurt" ... I mean No expectations, No fear that things will end up in hurt. Go into things thinking that everything will work out, that the end result... no matter how rocky the road, will be wonderful because you opened your heart to it.
With that... I will say goodnight.
Tomorrow is Friday & that is a reason to smile. :)
I will be in Ohio a month from today. I can't wait to hug my family and catch snowflakes on my tongue.
All my love.
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